You may find the strap line at the top of this blog ‘this is not a mommy blog’ a bit unusual.
The idea to write a blog was suggested to me by two friends at my baby shower many months ago, who thought it would be a great idea. Inwardly, I groaned and thought, yes, that's just what the world needs, another dull, naval-gazing blog with a woman discussing the minutia of her pregnancy and raising a baby.
I've read a few of these, and some approach the topic with great humour, but most would only be interesting to immediate family and friends.
Funny how as soon as I fell pregnant I became very conscious of not always prattling on about 'everything baby'. Colleagues at work expect you to go all mushy-brained and that you will only be able to hold an intelligent conversation when discussing nappy brands and developmental milestones. But it’s a stage, and like getting married or buying a house, it is an exciting and an all-consuming stage.
But here's the thing. Having a baby is hard. And one of the reasons it's hard is because it can be quite a lonely experience. Not while you’re in the hospital and being bugged by a nurse every two minutes. Not when you go home and you’re enjoying doing all the little things for the first time and you can just gaze at your baby for hours.
But when your husband has returned to work, and the visitors have stopped popping in with flowers every two minutes, it’s just you and your little bundle.
And for many of us who have had careers and met interesting people and travelled and been very independent and accountable to no one for a number of years, that’s quite a daunting feeling.
So I suppose my point is that having a baby means going through a bit of an identity crisis.
Especially if, like me, you have been fortunate enough not to have to return to work right away. Living in a city where the first question you are always asked when you meet someone new is “What do you do?” has now morphed into “What does your husband do?” and this just feels like another tiny loss of your own identity. I really dread someone asking me, “What do you do?” and having to answer “I’m just a Mommy”.
I’m not sure when my own identity crisis will end. Lately, not a day has gone by when I don’t toy with the idea of jumping back into work – how nice it would be to put on a pencil skirt and high heels and have an intellectual conversation, not to even mention how nice it would be to get my own pay check at the end of the month!
But here will be time for that. And for now I just have to enjoy what I have right here in front of me.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
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