Where to from here?

I'm changing tack here today to talk about something a little more serious than the usual decorating finds and baby things...

It's not often that I check Twitter anymore, I find I'm suffering from an overload of social media and something has to give. But last Friday I had a quick look through and came across this article in last week's Financial Mail by Andiswa Maqutu.

What prompted me to read it was the teaser about how women of the Millennium Generation are going to change the workplace faster than any of their predecessors, a topic that particularly interests me. But, I found I was disappointed in the story once I had finished reading it.

"Millennial women are more career-focused than their mums and delay having children into their 30s."

Being of the Millenial Generation (born between 1980 - 1995), I completed my postgraduate education and embarked on a great career which took me to amazing places and allowed me to enter into a management role at a multinational company in London. Yet, I still decided to have children before the age of 30 because, well, that was my decision. This does not mean that I am not 'career-focused'.

As many of my friends enter into the world of motherhood, some of whom had children before 30 or some after, some of whom have taken a few years off their professional careers, and some of whom have returned to work directly after their maternity leave period of 4 months, we are all finding out how very inflexible and quite frankly, inhospitable, the workplace is.

I know many extremely talented women, all with professional or post graduate qualifications and experience sitting at home or in coffee shops, or in dull mornings-only jobs. Their expertise and experience dormant, for the simple reason that it is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to find work that is flexible and meaningful, and allows you to fulfil your role of mom.

What we are looking for is stated in the FM article: "alternative employment models," something which sounds so very simple and yet is still very slow in coming to this country. However, the writer does make an encouraging point about women in the Millennium generation: "They are also output-driven and know that they don’t have to be seen in the workplace."

So now if we can only convince everyone else.

Keeping it together



Pic: Favim.com

I am feeling totally swamped this morning with the amount of work that I have to get through, when all I actually want to do is go to yoga, bake something and play with Lilia. That or have a mini meltdown and collapse in a sobbing heap on the floor.

This great post that I came across on Design Sponge last night about lessons learned in business and motherhood could not be more apt to my situation right now. The post is written by Meg Mateo Ilasco, creative director of Anthology Magazine and mother of two.

While I think trying to contract and do a bit of freelance writing hardly makes me an 'entrepreneur,' the article really resonated with me, and I do think some of the points made in it could be applied to any mom who is trying to keep it together.

Here are some of the highlights, but do read the whole post here if you would like to read Meg's thoughts in full, with more of an application to business. (Comments in italics are mine).

• Comparisons will just lead to feelings of inadequacy. Choose your projects and commitments carefully. If it’s not something you want to do or have time to do, then simply don’t do it. And don’t beat yourself up with comparisons. (I am starting to try and do this actively in every area of my life now and not just when it comes to kids.) 

• The feeling that children should come first all the time will lead to only one thing: guilt, lots of it. You don’t need to interact with your child around the clock (it will teach them some independence); sometimes it’s just plain impossible to attend everything your child is involved in (especially if you’ve scheduled them in a ton of activities), and you shouldn’t feel bad that you didn’t cook and clean all day.

• Think less about the word “balance” and think more about “making it work.” The problem with the word balance, for me, is that it implies homeostasis — a condition of absolute equilibrium where everything is working perfectly the way it should. Balance suggests that everything important in your life should be satisfied in an equal way. So instead of thinking of balance, I think about “making it work.” It places importance on flexibility and adaptability, instead of satisfying all parties. (I love this. I think 'making it work' is going to become my new mantra from now on).

• Don’t forget your friends You need time away from the kids and business; you need time for yourself. The trick to this: schedule it regularly. (I'm sorry to sound cynical, but hahahahaha. I wish I could get this right, I really really do).

• Enjoy the process and learn to adapt. Becoming a great designer, blogger, entrepreneur, or mother rarely happens overnight! Don’t be in such a hurry to get to the other side, or you’ll miss the point completely. And it’s not producing a kid that can speak three different languages by age four that makes you a mother; it’s the process of understanding your child’s needs and connecting with your child that makes you a mother.
  (Another great mantra, no matter where you are in your life: 'Don't be in such a hurry to get to the other side').  

How much is too much?

Pic: Emily Ley

I've been giving lots of thought lately to how much it is possible to take on as a Mom.

I'm finding more and more that as I take on more to do, I totally underestimate how long it will take me to complete everything. And yes, I am a perfectionist and Type-A personality who has to have a clean house and fresh linen and 'a place for everything, and everything in it's place' before I go to bed each night. (It's exhausting living with me, believe me!)

Now that I've taken on a part time job for a short while, as well as trying to stay on top of other freelance leads so as to have something when my contract ends, I'm finding I'm either running around like a headless chicken, or trying to squash in all my chores so that the week runs as smoothly as it used to when I was staying at home.

But if I'm not able to spend good, quality time alone with my daughter, I feel the onset of mommy-guilt, as well as being an all-round grouch.

The reason I'm writing about this is because yesterday, in one of my headless-chicken-drop-off-the-dry-cleaning-buy-birthday-presents-get-groceries moments, I was so distracted and in such a hurry that I reversed into another car in a parking lot. Can you believe it. Who does something that stupid?

I do. That's who.

It's an incredibly embarassing and incredibly expensive mistake. But I'm trying to use it as a lesson. To live more slowly. To realise that if we don't have dishwasher salt, the world isn't going to end.

But the hard part comes in - I've been offered some freelance writing work in the evenings in April, on top of my 3 days a week, during a time that I know is going to be very busy socially. I have accepted, as I want more than anything to write, and earn a living from it, and don't want to turn down this great opportunity. But I just hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.

A few things from the weekend

 

I realise it's been so so so long since I've done a Few Things post, so here goes.

We spent a lovely weekend in the bushveld with very special friends - think champagne, game drives, afternoon swims and a little bit of madness and laughing around the fire after dinner on Saturday night. It really was food for the soul!

Being away just helped to put everything in perspective a little bit, after we had eventually packed and eventually gotten in the car and out of Johannesburg.

Things have been mental (for lack of a better word) around our house the past two weeks since I started working. The ever shifting and ridiculous deadlines have meant that I just haven't been able to find the 'off' switch, and only get into bed after midnight as there is always just so much to do. And that means I've become not such a nice person and a very distracted Mommy.

But if I get nothing out of this whole working-part-time experience, at least it has helped me realise where I do need to be putting my energy and focus and to maybe just turn off the ambition for a little while. After all, the beauty of a wife and mother is in her being, not in her doing.

Sorry, I got a little distracted from the usual 'weekend that was' formula I follow on this blog.
I am looking forward to things getting back to normal (as much as they can) chez du Plessis, and am also looking forward to finding more time for blogging.

See you in the week,
xxx

Tough day at the office

Pic: Babycenter.com

I'm really suffering from a 'grass is greener' syndrome today.

I started my flexi/part time job this morning and it was a serious waste of time putting on any eye make-up or mascara when I got dressed, as it had all been washed off by crying before I was 100m down the road.

I know my daughter is fine at home, and I know I will get to see her in the afternoon, and besides, it's only 3 days a week... And I've heard from other moms who have returned to work how hard it is, but boy is it hard...

I wanted to contribute to our family's income and I wanted a little bit of intellectual stimulation. And now all I want to be is a Mommy. Will I ever find a new identity that I am happy with?

Let's just hope it gets a little easier as time goes on.

A few things from the weekend



Sjoe, so that's that done for year 1. The party was a huge success on Saturday, and Lilia loved every minute of it, the little social butterfly that she is, and was so spoilt. I can't actually believe how generous people are.

I, however, totally underestimated the amount of work involved and thought I could do everything myself (hmmm). Luckily, we had emergency last-minute grandparent help and my sister-in-law iced the cake when it still wasn't done and the guests were starting to arrive, and everything worked out well.

Outside caterers are definitely the way forward in our household from now on.

So all in all it was an enjoyable weekend, if a frantic one. We went to watch my husband playing cricket on Sunday afternoon, which was lovely, until I got stung by a bee, which did put a bit of a dampener on the whole thing for me.

Tomorrow I am making a bit switch in lanes and starting a 3-day a week job. I really don't know what I've signed myself up for and am feeling very anxious indeed, but just keep trying to remind myself that it's only for 3 months anyway.

Deep breath...

Oh, I nearly forgot, the pic above is a little detail from Lilia's outfit on Saturday. What a cutie pie.

Bump in the road

Image: thefancy.com

This pic is a little note to my husband to say thank you for his never-ending love and support. (Oh, and it's from one of the newest inspiring websites I visit to look at some gorgeous unusual design The Fancy).

I'm trying to launch myself as a freelance writer, and it's very disappointing when things don't work out. And I'm trying to pick myself up and remember that it's just a bump in the road and that I have to persevere.

I've done the office thing, and I didn't love it. And the fact that I have a talent or skill that can be used on a work-at-home basis is really what motivates me. Don't get me wrong, a very large part of me wants to go back to being a journalist on a daily and work hard and have amazing opportunities and get front page bylines. But, I feel quite strongly about being around for my daughter and not leaving it up to someone else to look after her during these extremely formative years, but I'm not going to go on a rant now.

I know that lots of Mommies the world over are trying to make this happen, and that we have some catching up to do down here in SA. For those of you also giving some thought to becoming a WAHM (Work from home mom), have a look at Emily Ley's inspiring graphic and post.

Pick your passion. Create your own destiny.

Enjoying the journey

Illustration by Emily Ley

So baby’s in bed and I have a few minutes to update my blog before hubby arrives home and wants dinner. Such a busy but exciting day. I’m really enjoying getting back into work and am so worried someone is going to wake me up and tell me it’s all been a dream, I have to go back and sit in the office. I really don’t struggle to focus on work at home, and don’t get (too) distracted by other things that need doing. (It's quite uncanny how working with the sound of a crying baby is not that far removed from working in a busy newsroom...)

What I am finding to be so true is that the more I write, the more I feel like writing – and this blog is the perfect writing outlet that lets me be a little bit more playful and creative after tackling my more serious corporate work.

I’m also finding it so inspiring that I’m finding so many references to work/life balance lately and people who are finding a new way to work.

I came across this presentation in the Huffington Post last week, and the stories are just fantastic. Isn’t it wonderful how many companies are becoming more output driven and seeing people as human beings with many facets to their lives, rather than just beings out to achieve a set of KPIs? (Yuck. I hate that word. And all corporate speak).
I’m so fortunate to have found a company (after searching long and hard, I must confess) that sees that value its people can really add, and not be worried about the minutia of the working day.

Featured in the Huffington Post is Gabrielle Blair of Design Mom, one of my all-time favourite blogs (see list on the right). She is also running a Work/Life balance project, and some of her thoughts on the matter, while they may see obvious, are points that we often need to remind ourselves of.

Here are some highlights:
1) Doing it all is a myth. Doing what you love is the goal.2) It’s okay to ask for help. If you have a parenting question or if you need an extra hand, ask someone. 3) As parents, we joke about sleep, but it will make or break your day. Make it a priority. 4) Multi-tasking creates poor results. Do one thing at a time and do it well.5) Manners matter. Be nice. Play nice.

I really like number four and think while it is very difficult to be completely in the present, it is so important. So if you are at work, give it your all, and don't feel guilty about your kids. And if you are at home, make the effort to get down on the floor and play with your kids, actually be present with them and give them your all, even if it's just for half an hour before you go and make dinner. Speaking of which...

Home office chic

Trust me to worry more about the decor of my home office than the work piling up!

I will share some pics soon of my 'office space' - which at present is a trestle table desk in the guest room. We were planning on having a dedicated study when we moved into our new house, but that was before our bundle and the need for a nursery came along...
After having looked at a few of these home offices on Home Office Snapshots, I've decided what is definitely missing in my office is a pinboard. So I  may take a coffee break today and go search for one.

The offices under the 'white' and 'organized' categories are definitely my favorite on Home Office Snapshots. Which might just say quite a bit about me!

A change of pace

So from Thursday (as in, the day after tomorrow) I will officially be a work at home mom. WAHM. It really has an actual acronym, and there's a website and everything.

As I signed the contract, I had a distinct feeling like I was just closing my eyes and jumping.

It's with my old company, and the arrangement is very open ended. Maybe a little vague for my liking, but I think I have learnt a new assertiveness in the past few months and will be able to, in true corporate-speak style, push back if necessary.

But I think balance is soon to become an extremely fine art in my life. I really don't want to end up working every night and every weekend to just stay on top of things, and I really really don't want to become my old stressy self who can only think about work, all the time.

On another note, I am still looking for a yoga class in my area. How hard can it be???? Just one little yoga class, or maybe two a week. I think I might be trying to start too many new things are once, but maybe the two are actually interconnected, in a strange way.

Wish me luck!

Spinning

Oh my goodness there is so much on the go right now it is actually unbelievable.

Right this minute I should be researching and writing an op-ed piece that is due in less than 24 hours. And for someone who is mortally afraid of deadlines, that is a seriously short time.

The good news is that the emails I sent out regarding doing freelance work have come to something, very exciting! But wow, am I writing unfit. I used to churn out a feature piece and news story in an hour flat, back in my young and ambitious days. Now I break into a cold sweat at 800 words.

Well, I suppose the only way you get over something you are afraid of is to just do it.

And in other news, I avoided getting a traffic fine today by using my baby as an excuse...
Feel super guilty about it. I was driving home from coffee with a friend, when I went into a turning lane, only for it to end and become a painted island. And there was a cop, standing waiting to give out fines...

So while searching for my driver's licence, I said, "I'm so sorry, I was just trying to get my baby home in time for her bath..."
Which was a bit of a fib, seeing as she was fast asleep in her car seat (the one time I wish she was screaming in the car!)

Anyway, so they let me go without a fine. And I felt really bad for the white lie. But at least I don't feel bad about getting a fine! Oops.